So, I’m in a fight with my ex again.

We were supposed to have sex for the last time Wednesday, but Monday he said that he was going somewhere else. So I told him I wanted another last time, and he started raging at me„ that the last time we had sex was the last time and he never wanted to see me again.. Just him you know.

Then i got home and saw on his facebook a picture with his name and a girls name and a heart.. so I asked him if he was raging because of that girl.. and then he went all crazy and blocked me everywhere.. and around 4am I texted him that he was making a big problem out of nothing and if it was because of that girl, he should just say so, because I’m not planning on fucking that up for him, because I honestly don’t give a shit about him anymore. and then he went crazy and said that he was gonna fight with me if I was gonna contact that girl„ and then he threatened that he is gonna kick me off scouting.. because the others like him more.. then he called me ugly and fat and a slut and I should just die..

And well„ if me dieing makes him happy„ I’m gonna live. He doesn’t deserve to be happy. I’m gonna fuck up his whole life, just like he did with my life.. and we both know we’re gonna have sex again.. we’ve had this discussion for like 100 times and we’re still having sex.. but to be honest. I’m pretty sure he’s really mad at me, but it’s gonna be alright. Everything is gonna be alright.. because this isn’t him. He’s a sweet boy, and he’s just saying these things because he’s angry at me„ but that will be over in a few weeks. at least„ I hope. 

What hurts the most.. is him calling me fat and ugly.. he was the only person that ever called me pretty and beautiful. He told me I wasn’t fat, he told me I was perfect.. even after we broke up. And I believed it.. 

Well, I’ll just have to wait then.. and hope it gets better.. and he’s going back to normal…

so he asked me why I cut myself again. I said: ” because I had a really awfull weekend.” and he says:” well at least I had an awesome weekend.”
yeah, he really cares. he can go fuck himself. I’m not doing it anymore

hahahahaha that bitch is telling everyone that we’re best friends again.
how stupid is she? i talked to her because I still wanted sex, and if I didn’t make it up with her, he wouldn’t haver sex with me. and she’s so stupid to believe everything is OK again.
still going to kill her.

Why is he such a bitch?

Every time when we actually can get along with each other, he finds some reason to fuck it all up. We start over, and then, when everything is awesome again. He fucks it up again with another weird reason. Why can’t he accept the fact that we can be friend? Why does he have to be such a bitch about it, and fuck it up every time?

Now I feel so bad :<

i want to go home. there are only make-up girls, and I can’t have contact with the boys -.- atleast it’s only 3 hours with 2 breaks. because I’m a special case. only an hour and a half to go. (:

My mum won’t let me go because it’s on a school day, not even if she goes with me.

Omg, wtf am I going to do? I want to go..

I guess I’ll try to sell them on ebay.

I was soo excited ):

FML I WANT TO GO. :C

I live in the Netherlands, so I have to fly.. and my mum doesn’t agree with that. and you can’t fly alone if you’re under 18.. so I don’t have a fucking choice

I feel so bad and I want to text him. But I can’t„ I promised myself that I would try to stop being so fucking annoying towards him,

oops